Barrington Man Really Hates Yoga Pants; Gets A Parade In His Honor

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Alan Sorrentino wrote a letter to the editor of the Barrington Times, decrying women wearing yoga pants in public…and women are responding in an unusual fashion.

It didn’t take long for this local Rhode Island story, as best as we can tell first reported on Channel 12, to go viral,…nationally and internationally. After seeing one too many women wearing yoga pants in public, Alan Sorrentino of Barrington broke out his quill and parchment to disparage all these harlots infesting the town square with displays of their tight, round buttocks and sent it via Pony Express to the local printing press so they could arrange their typeface in preparation for his words’ dissemination to all the townsfolk. (It’s also available online here.)



barrington-yoga-pants-parade Now, there is so much that’s incredibly wrong with the whole letter, that I have to question the Barrington Times decision to publish such drivel, unless the editors figured “Well, if he wants to hang himself (or at least his reputation) publically who are we not to extend him some rope”.

All the resentment towards miniskirts establishes Alan Sorrentino as a man of somewhat advanced age which makes it more than a little disturbing for him to talk about how good females under the age of 20 look in yoga pants. Imagine being an adult woman wearing a somewhat revealing outfit and this guy give you the thumbs up…

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Now imagine you’re eighteen and he gives you the look.

We understand that Barrington is a town full of wealthy, liberal intellectuals, but this might be one of those times for the old redneck message of “Hey, just thought I’d let you know that I’m at home, cleaning the shotgun…waiting for the phone call about you parking outside the high school, checking out my daughter…”

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The response has gone a bit of a different way.

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A woman named Jamie Patrice has organized a yoga pants parade for women of all ages to march past Mr. Sorrentino’s Barrington residence on Knapton Street before going to the park to do some…what else…yoga.

Feeding The Troll

Now, we’ve established that Alan Sorrentino is an old weirdo with strange ideas about women’s bodies and wardrobes. Now we’ve got hundreds of women planning to march past his house in protest, wearing yoga pants.

Now, there are a few concerns we have regarding Mr. Sorrentino’s intentions, which could be less about changing the way women dress and more about getting attention.

Trolling

Perhaps Mr. Sorrentino means what he says. His letter is written in that odd manner where there’s a good chance that he actually believes what he is saying. That said, there’s a decent chance that the guy could be trolling(…or whatever the term was for trolling behavior in 1985). I mean, the man can put words together in a manner that suggests a minimal level of self-awareness that is capable of recognizing what kind of backlash his letter would bring.

The Brer Rabbit Briar Patch Scenario

“Oh no, please don’t let hundreds of women walk by my house wearing yoga pants! That would be terrible!” Now, there’s no indication that Sorrentino knew a yoga pants parade was coming…but he might have been looking for some kind of reaction…and who knows, maybe this is all he could have hoped for and more.

One can imagine a few other scenarios where giving some creep attention and more becomes a silly endeavor…

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Going Viral

This story has been picked up by the AP and published around the world, once again putting Barrington on the map as a place where the frivolous, silly and stupid end up front and center. Perhaps Newport could send them some panhandlers or a coyote to give them some real concerns.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Yoga Correspondent


Tristan's just this guy, ya know?