The Best Real Estate Listing You’ll Ever Read

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If you’re trying to sell a house, make sure your realtor reads and emulates this listing.

Let’s face facts: Real estate listings are, for the most part, pretty dull. They’re basically a numerical indicator of surface area and how it’s divided between where you sleep and where you pee. “1500 Square Foot 2 Bed/2 Bath”. Sure, there’s usually an actual description thrown in, but they’re typically in that annoying combination of Pleasantville and “realtor-speak”.



Now, there are a lot of realtors who live boring, mundane lives and like their work to reflect that. They’re the types who practically have an aneurysm when a realtor takes a creative approach to marketing. This home description on Zillow for a house in Birmingham, Alabama will give them nightmares:

For more information or to see the home, please email me at [email protected] Buyer’s agents welcome.
This 2 bed 2 bath home is the perfect starter home to show your parents and friends that you have it together.
The front porch leads you into a nice living room that has plenty of sunlight and a fireplace. To really impress your friends, put your coffee table there and put a bowl of lemons on top of a book or put a flower from the front yard in a vase. Bask in the sunshine beaming through the windows. Avoid your guests in the master bedroom.
The master bath has a stand-up shower. Would you rather take a bath? The second bathroom has a tub/shower combo. Start a bath and switch to a shower if you are indecisive.
The kitchen has granite countertops, an eat-in area, and tile floors. There is also a large pantry which is perfect for storing your gluten-free Bisquick. On one of Birmingham’s 3 spring days, eat on the porch. The back porch overlooks a large backyard which is enclosed by a privacy fence. Live your dreams through your kids by playing sports in the yard. Wake up in the morning and let the dog outside while you stay inside. Beat the birds to pick blueberries from the bush, or pick rosemary. Find a creative recipe that uses blueberries and rosemary. The point is that they are there and have somehow survived.

From the kitchen you can access the dry basement or the back porch. The basement has plenty of storage for all the stuff that you pack up and move and are planning on going through one day. Tell your mom the home has a basement “in case of storms” and she will almost certainly nod in approval. Text your friends that “they are welcome to come use your basement” when James Spann interrupts your regularly scheduled tv programming to tell you about weather and respect the polygon from the comfort of the basement. It’s unfinished, but you will be dry. Also, there is a one-year old heat pump. You will likely be the envy of your peer group because of your reasonably priced utility bills. If you need to leave just set the alarm and go. (It is wired for an alarm system, but you have to get your own account).
The location of this home is excellent. You will have no problem getting your fitbit steps in each day. Walk your dog to Homewood Park. Carry your kettlebells to Iron Tribe fitness. Ride your unicycle to Octane Coffee or O’Henry’s. Take your child to the Creative Montessori School or just toss them over the fence in the backyard to get them there quicker because you are running behind because getting a kid ready in a timely fashion is difficult. (Disclaimer: Don’t throw kids). Plan dinner with a friend for Little Donkey or Dave’s Pizza, sushi, Zoe’s, or Urban Cookhouse, but walk over by yourself early and eat a Steel City Pop pre-dinner. After dinner, suggest that you and your friend get a SC Pop as if it is your first. Or Walk to Dreamcakes or the Edgewood Creamery. It won’t matter because you can throw on your Lululemon and work it off at pure barre, iFit, Sweat and Gears, or the Homewood Community Center/gym. Better yet, walk to the farmer’s market at soho in that apparel to demonstrate your affinity for an active lifestyle. If you hate working out, just buy bigger clothes at one of the many shops in downtown Homewood. Worried about your soul? Walk to church at Dawson Baptist or Trinity Methodist depending on the age you were baptized. If that isn’t your style, the home is convenient to 280, downtown Birmingham, and the interstate so you can go to the faith of your choosing. I don’t care. If you would rather sleep in on Sunday, the street is very quiet.
If you work downtown you can choose I-65 north, 280, or you could bypass them altogether and head up 20th street to drop into the back of Southside/UAB.
Contact me for more information.

So, that’s not your typical house listing. It’s interesting, descriptive, funny and focused at a target demographic.

The result?

  • Views since listing: 324,549

If you look at similar house listings, that number is insane. Most are lucky if they scratch the 10k mark. The craziest part is that, by the look of things, those views have come in the last 48 hours. Viral marketing at its best…

Perhaps it’s time to disrupt the real estate marketing model.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Marketing Correspondent


Tristan's just this guy, ya know?