The Cocktail You Need For Your Presidential Debate Drinking Game

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Whether you’re rooting for or against Trump or Hillary, this is the drink to make it all okay.

Today there are literally dozens of debate drinking games floating around the web, so we figure that aspect of the event is pretty saturated. We figured we’d instead focus on the beverage that Americans need when the two main entities we’ve selected to make the final run for President share the debate stage tonight.



After all, this will probably be the first time that they’ll have been seen together since probably the last time Trump got married…

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Anyhow, for those of you without access to a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster¬†or three, we’ve discovered the perfect drink to help our readers accept the fate that the American people have taken upon themselves.

Here’s a quick video on how to make an “Old-Fashioned”. If you’ve had an Old-Fashioned before, you’re going to notice a few big differences between this one and any that you’ve had in the past. First of all, it’s served in a pint glass. Second, if you fast-forward to the 1:15 mark, you’re going to learn what “three ounces” is going to mean for the next four years.

Now, for those of you who don’t want to deal with the training wheels of maraschino cherries and orange slices, there is a simpler method to self-medicating your way through this television debate:

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There’s long been talk about how politicians want to use whichever drug or chemical to make the population compliant to their nefarious plans, but we feel it’s time for the population to take a more pre-emptive approach and prepare to spend the next three years in a non-stop stupor, before we sober up in time to assess where the country is in time for the next Presidential primary season.

There could be an out-of-left-field alternative, however. We have our fingers crossed that eccentric billionaire inventor Elon Musk could be developing hypersleep hibernation pods which would allow their owners to just spend the time unconscious or having their brains infused with knowledge about high-end mathematics and quantum physics…or enough political philosophy to ensure America avoids putting itself in this situation ever again.

We have our fingers crossed and we’re sure everyone’s livers are praying such a device makes it to market in the next few months.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Political Correspondent


Tristan's just this guy, ya know?