Coventry Contractor Caught Carrying Crack, Choking Chicken

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zamarrelli

If Robert C. Zammarelli’s van’s a-rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’…call the cops.

If Coventry residents were hoping that a news story might show up and displace the town’s long-running feud over fire departments, they should probably remember the old saying “be careful what you wish for”.

We’re going to need you to stay with us, because this story has as many layers as an onion. First, the basics of the story…

Coventry Patch reports:

A 54-year-old Coventry man has been charged with indecent exposure and possession of crack cocaine after he was caught masturbating in a van parked outside of a Cranston CVS by a patrolman who arrested him for a similar crime in 2008 in almost the same location.

A CVS parking lot?

why would you do that

It’s a step up from a Wal-Mart parking lot, sure…but just a step. You have to be a serious sexual deviant to be getting off watching people go into a drugstore to pick up grandma’s prescriptions and some razor blades.

Police arrested Robert C. Zammarelli, 54, of 60 Wright Way, Coventry, at around 5:10 p.m. after police found his van rocking back and forth in the parking lot on Ptlmn. Michael Long’s hunch that he might be in the area.

That intuition came after a suspicious vehicle report that police received about an hour earlier. Zammarelli reportedly was lying down in the third row of his Chevy Astro van. A resident asked him what he was doing and he reportedly said “watching the neighborhood” before sliding into the driver’s seat and leaving.

Not that we’re trying to advise Mr. Zammarelli in any manner, but “watching the neighborhood” is possibly the most red-flag-raising response one can make while “lying down” in a Chevy Astro van. Its only rival is “Hey kids, want some free candy?” or possibly…

bohoc-animated

(As an aside, Caleb & Broad is hosting a Clown Shoes Beer Dinner on Thursday where they’ll be showing It on the projection screen. Happy Halloween!)

Fortunately, after realizing “Holy crap, that’s the creepiest guy I’ve ever met”, the resident called Coventry PD with Zammarelli’s description and van registration, which brought up a previous conviction from 2008, where the contractor had been arrested for masturbating in front of a 16-year old girl in the Walgreens parking lot…across the street from the CVS.

As if it were possible at this point, the police report from that incident raised even more red flags.
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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?