#DangerZone: Top 7 Ways To Celebrate Top Gun Day In Newport

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May 13th is Top Gun Day.

Here’s the best ways we’ve come up with to celebrate Top Gun Day in Newport this year:

1. Play some beach volleyball

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Get a few guy friends together (no girls allowed), take off your shirts, get yourselves all covered with sweat and sand, pin each other in the occasion headlock when you lose a game and chastise anyone who might want to leave to see a female.

 2. Grab a live mic and serenade someone

Top Gun Lost that lovin

Tonight, there are really two places you can pull this off. You can go to O’Brien’s for video karaoke and tell them that you want to sing “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” with the music muted…or you can head to the Gas Lamp for Cocktail Wars and see if Burns might have left the mic on in between announcements.

Here’s a fun fact: “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” was originally released by the Righteous Brothers in 1964. Top Gun revived 22 years later when it was released in 1986…which means the song has been famous for being in Top Gun for longer than it was famous in its own right.



3. Grab a beer to put those flames out

stock-footage-alcoholic-drinking-beer

If that approach doesn’t work for a 22-year old Tom Cruise in Navy whites, there are several conclusions that can be drawn:

  1. Being short really is a deal-breaker.
  2. She’s a lesbian.
  3. It’s not going to work for you.

4. Follow a woman into an empty ladies room…without getting arrested

Top Gun Bathroom

An empty ladies room at a crowded bar may in fact exist, but there’s a good chance that when you follow her inside in what would get you labelled “Newport’s Biggest Creep” all over social media for at least 48 hours.

Of course, finding an empty ladies room when you’re at a club that’s at capacity is kind of unlikely. We’re not going to say impossible, but if you do find it, say hello to the unicorn and the Loch Ness Monster while you’re there.

5. Speak Top Gun

Because we’re red-blooded Americans, we’ve seen Top Gun something around 500 times. This means that if we’re with other freedom-loving Americans, we can start speaking Top Gun, where every sentence is integrated into a Top Gun quote.

For example, if the bartenders at tonight’s Cocktail Wars were to be talking trash, they could say:

“No, no…there’s two “O”s in “Bartolome”

or

“Holy sh*t, it’s Nicolas Lima!”
“I bet he’s saying ‘Holy sh*t it’s Tori and Michelle’.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s saying that…”

and of course…

“I feel the need…THE NEED FOR JAMO!” *High-Five*

“Too drunk for shots, switching to beer.”

“YOU! You can be my bartender anytime.”
“Bullsh*t, you can be mine.”

“We’ve got a problem here. We’ve only got money for one drink left…”



6. Keep up foreign relations

Top-Gun-upside-down-middle-finger

This requires a little work and the right location.

First, you need to find some of Newport’s fine Eastern European imports who are busting one of your buddy’s balls. Then you need to hang upside down from the balcony above them and give them the bird (“you know, the finger”) with your best friend, who is also hanging upside down just behind you, takes a pic of them to put on Instagram.

There’s a good chance that you might die.

7. Remember one thing…

And gentlemen…

Good luck, gentlemen.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Naval Aviation Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?