Don’t Be The Guy Who Falls Off A Dock Taking A Selfie

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An Important Lesson for Aquatic Safety and Public Esteem Preservation.

While quite a few Newporters are fully capable of transversing the city’s docks blindfolded on a pogo stick. If you’re one of these folks, feel free to stop reading and just watch the video for a laugh.

For the rest of you, please follow the following instructions before taking a selfie on a dock:

1) Watch your step

Docks have a lot of obstacles. There are lines, power cables and cleats waiting to trip you up.

2) Plant your feet

Before you bring out your phone, you’re going to need to make sure you’re standing right where you want to be and stay there.

3) Check if you’re a guy

A quick grab of your crotch should indicate whether your genitalia is external or not. If your junk hangs out, then turn around and just shoot the pick of whatever it is you want to share with the world, sans your mug.

4) Shoot away

Get out your phone and fire away. Make a duck face. Hug your friends. Just don’t move your feet or you and all your stuff will end up in the drink and you’ll end up in line at the Apple Store behind the guy in the video after the bag of rice trick doesn’t work.

Tristan Pinnock, Blast Marina Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?