Five Ways The Patriots Were Obviously Cheating Against The Steelers

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3. Rob Gronkowski is too big

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Much like your cousin and getting pregnant, Rob Gronkowski sneezes and he scores a touchdown. He’s really, really tall, which means he has to be covered by defensive backs larger that schoolchildren. What’s worse is that he has to be covered on every play. It’s simply not fair for defensive coordinators to have to think about one guy that much.

If having a 7 foot wingspan isn’t against the rules, it should be. Same with being a foot taller than the guys who are trying to stop him from catching balls. Or tackle him. Or keep their girlfriends faithful when he’s at Dockside.

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?