Guess Who Got Named One Of The ’10 Prettiest Coastal Towns in New England’!

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Hint: Not Middletown and not Portsmouth. Also, not Jamestown.

Two Rhode Island towns made Yankee Magazine’s 10 Prettiest Coastal Towns in New England.

The first is New Shoreham, which, oddly enough, is pronounced by Rhode Islanders as “blok ahy-luh nd“. And we guess it’s a pretty enough town. But it’s more of a “summer weekend fling” pretty than “I’ll love you forever pretty.” And during the winter? Forget it.

(And we weren’t going to mention it, but when my middle school soccer team  went over there, we just wiped the floor with them. Possibly because we were all 7th and 8th graders and they had to draft their 5th grade to get 11 players onto the field.)
(We also heard that the island’s putting on weight. Don’t want to say from whom. But look for.)
(No, we’re not jealous. Why would we be jealous? We’ve got nothing to be jealous of. We know Newport’s pretty. Perfectly secure in Newport’s looks. That’s us.)

And the second Rhode Island town is…(drumroll please)

Newport.

See? No insecurity here. Tracey Minkin probably started the whole article with Newport and then spent a week banging her head against her keyboard trying to find 9 more towns that compare. Well, not really compare. It’s more like Snow White and the Nine Dwarves.

So we’ve finally been recognized as pretty. Thank you, Yankee Magazine.

We’ll just leave of with this parting shot by @fredson1422.

Newport Bridge fredson1422

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Insecurity Correspondent

 

Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?