If You’re Looking For A Man With A Python In His Pants…

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A metaphor goes horribly wrong at the pet store.

Most ladies have realized that a man who tells you he has “a two-foot python in his pants” is…well, probably full of it. That’s not even a condition most women would be interested in, if the mental imagery conjured was anatomically accurate.

Over in Portland, Oregon, a gentleman took the phrase out of the world of innuendo and into the terrifyingly literal when he removed a two-foot long python from its cage at the A to Z pet store and concealed it in his pants, before walking out the store with the $200 serpent last Friday. The AP reports:

Sgt. Greg Stewart said no arrests have been made in Friday’s theft. But Christin Bjugan, an owner of A to Z pet store, said video surveillance has helped viewers and police detectives identify a suspect, and she expects to have the snake returned soon.

“We know who did it,” she said Monday. “We know where he lives, we know where he works, we know all about him and his girlfriend. We’re just waiting to get our snake back.”

So just let it be known that if you see a man walking out of a pet store with what looks like a snake in his pants, there’s a very good chance that he’s not actually happy to see you.

This is just another reminder to would-be criminals to think about what crime you’re about to commit and think ‘If I get caught for this, will I become a famous stupid criminal?’

Another example:

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Pet Correspondent

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?