It’s Called Facebook, Not Vaguebook: Your Friends’ Worst Posts

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How would people look if they used their vague online bids for attention in real-life conversation?

The one nice thing about administrating a Facebook Page instead of a profile is that you get analytics that let you know what posts do well, which ones get positive responses and…well, which ones don’t go over that well. This allows for a certain level of self-correction as you can look at what’s not working and figure out ways to correct it.

For people who are just wandering through life with just a personal page, they get the normal affirmative notifications (likes and comments…and likes on comments)…while Facebook hides the cold hard truth about blocks, unfollows and unfriendings.

This is probably an unfortunate arrangement, because the people who get it wrong are generally the one’s who need to be told that they’re really getting it wrong. Also, because they’re getting it wrong in real life, they have more that they want to vent about on Facebook, which hits the nitrous button for the whole vicious cycle.



Vaguebooking

vague-book

Vaguebooking is a term used to describe when people make posts on Facebook that say something big has happened, but provide no details…so people have to respond with “What’s wrong?”, to which a direct answer is rarely given.

Who’s causing all these problems in the Vaguebooker’s life?

Fake people

fakepeoplequotes

Who, or what, are fake people? Well, you might be thinking replicants, androids, cyborgs and other forms of literal “fake people” and you’d be correct, but that’s not what the girl you haven’t talk to since high school is talking about.

As best as we can tell, a “fake person” is anyone who misrepresents their lives on social media…whose number is best estimated at “EVERYONE ON SOCIAL MEDIA“. Everyone’s trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Fake people don’t even surprise me anymore, loyal people do.

Posted by F A C T on Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Someone’s Dead (But Let’s Keep It A Secret)

This is probably the worst form of Vaguebooking.

You’re scrolling through your Newsfeed and one of your friends has just written…

Shocked. I can’t believe that you’re gone.

…and now, as much as you want to sympathize with your friend for their loss, you’re actually worried that the person who has passed away is someone you know and care about, too. As much as one might feel the need to emote to their Facebook audience, people should understand that if they can’t name names in a post, it will probably doing more harm than good.

Ultimately, the most likely scenario is that everyone goes into a frenzied detective mode and eventually works out who passed away.



So knock it off

vaguebook when I'm sad

The maintenance of connections in one’s life is based on the benefit of those connections for those parties involved. Every time someone Vaguebooks, they increase the cost of their connection to…well, everyone…and eventually, those people will just cross you out of their lives.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Social Media Correspondent


Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?