It’s True: Newporters (And New Englanders) Drink More Than Most Of The Country

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Drinking By County

While we may be part of a national trend where all the smart, rich, good-looking folks are drinking their faces off, it doesn’t mean that everyone is on board. Want to get some extra-credit after you read this article? Go to Salt Lake City and explain the concept of Sunday Funday to the Church of Latter Day Saints. If you do it right, day-drinking in Newport will replace gay marriage as the greatest threat to America’s souls. If your explanation doesn’t work, plug them in to Nesi’s Instagram. That should do the trick.

Why would we want the Mormons to set out to destroy Sunday Funday? Because if there’s one way to get Rhode Islanders to back something, it’s to tell them them that religious conservatives far away don’t want them doing it. If political donations show up from out-of-state, pushing the state legislature to clamp down on our drinking, not only will Rhode Islanders be getting up early on Sundays to drink, they’ll be forcing their kids to do it to.

That said, we’d like to congratulate the residents of Newport County for putting in the kind of effort that puts us on the map nationally. When someone asks you what you’ve done for you community, you can just say “Cheers!”

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Drinking Correspondent

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?