Massachusetts Man Dresses In Star Wars Costume, School Calls The Cops

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Why it should have been obvious that he posed no threat.

In the latest chapter of “School Administrators Are Terrified Of EVERYTHING”, a Massachusetts man was arrested for, well, being too much of a Star Wars geek.

But on Wednesday afternoon, a Lynn elementary school was briefly locked down after the principal called 911 to report a man with a gun walking around outside the school.

The man, identified by police as George Cross, 40, of Lynn, was dressed in a white plastic “Star Wars” stormtrooper costume, and the gun was not real.┬áBut Lynn Police spokesman Lt. Rick Donnelly said that “the way things are today, you can’t have that.”

We’re not sure if Lt. Donnelly has seen the Star Wars films, because if he was familiar with what’s probably the largest pop culture phenomenon ever, he’d know that even if Cross had an actual firearm, Imperial Stormtroopers pose no threat to anyone.

Why?

As everyone but the voluntarily ignorant know, Imperial Stormtroopers have terrible marksmanship. It’s probably their most noteworthy characteristic.

Imperial Marksmanship Academy



Even in the movie, Luke Skywalker makes a comment of how he can’t see anything while wearing a stormtrooper helmet.

Stormtrooper Marksmanship

So someone wearing a stormtrooper costume is about as threatening as someone dressing up as Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam. Furthermore, the outfit provides no practical protection whatsoever, whether in the films or in real life (with the one exception of snakebites).

“The way things are today, you can’t have that.”

Why not? The way things are today, everyone is safer than they’ve ever been. Schools keep getting safer. The rates of actual violence are down, but for some reason, members of the law enforcement community, whose job it is to know and understand these things, never relay the reduction in violence that our country has experienced in the last 20 years.

Ongoing problem is that as the amount of crime and violence shrinks, the government and media make a bigger and bigger deal of a whatever is left, so the average citizen can easily be under the impression that they and their families are under constant threat of being murdered, despite the chances of such a tragedy befalling them being miniscule.

School administrators often appear to operate under a strict “Common sense tells me this is probably nothing, but if you could just send a SWAT team over to be sure, that would be great” modus operandi, which, if you go strictly by the numbers, is probably the wrong call, as the number of people killed by people wearing stormtrooper uniforms is much smaller than that killed by people wearing police uniforms.

Cross was arrested on charges of disturbing a school and loitering within 1,000 feet of a school, both of which sound, on the face of them, to be pretty subjective. They could easily be merged into a “Don’t let the cops think you’re a weirdo”, which would probably face some constitutional challenges.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Star Wars Correspondent


Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?