Newport’s Reputation For Stupid Criminals Isn’t Going Away Anytime Soon

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We’re back to giving Fall River a run for its money.

At a certain level, it should come as a relief when Newport residents get busted for committing stupid crimes in other communities. Sure, it reflects badly on our city, but it would appear that many of Newport’s delinquents go elsewhere to commit their crimes and get busted for them.

Right about this time last year, a member of Fall River’s Mensa held up four convenience stores, leaving his selfie-filled cellphone at one and once arrested, had the most amazing defense for his actions. This set a pretty high bar for the rest of southern New England. Now a Newport man is doing his best to ensure our city isn’t overlooked in the annals of the criminally stupid.

Now, we’ll be the first to point out that he’s got a presumption of innocence in court, arrest doesn’t indicate a conviction and all that jazz, but we’ve also got an individual who does an amazing job of painting a terrible picture of themselves.

WJAR10 reports:

A Newport man who attempted to rob a sandwich shop left his wallet behind at the scene, according to authorities.

The Warren Police Department told NBC 10 News that Joshua Strother has been accused of breaking into the Subway restaurant on Main Street in Warren on Dec. 27.

When authorities responded to the location, they found the 23-year-old’s billfold outside the restaurant.

Strother, who was wanted on breaking and entering charges, surrendered to police late last week.

Well, “surrendered”. According to Josh Strother’s Facebook page, he’s received quite the education recently.

Now, criminals and Facebook have a complicated relationship. The smartest thing for those who break the law to do is not have a Facebook account…except not having a Facebook account is a massive indicator that you’re a criminal. So have a Facebook account, but don’t leave it public and certainly don’t mention what your threshold for committing crimes is.

(As an aside, we’re curious what the profit margin is on breaking into a Subway…but leaving your wallet at the scene. There are a lot of variables here, including how much cash you got from the Subway, how much you had on you when you started the caper, what your bail is set for, whether you can get a public defender or you have to pay for a lawyer out of pocket…lots of math there.)

Lastly, do your best not to use Facebook to attempt welfare fraud while using racial slurs.

It’s the kind of thing that people might judge you for. As in people…and then as in people whose job it is to judge and sentence you.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Sandwich Correspondent


Tristan's just this guy, ya know?