NY Times Declares That Police And Military Can’t Be “Modern Men”

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25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

As pointed out by George Orwell, people sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. Are the men who patrol our streets and protect our country somehow less “modern” than those who don’t? Having served in the Marines, we’ll admit that, on the whole, they don’t tend to be on the cutting edge of cultural thought.

modern man has no use for a gun

However, this doesn’t mean that they aren’t educated, immersed of the world around them and very keen to protect and raise their families. They also tend to find a lot of use for firearms.

There’s someone else who gets an awful lot of use out of firearms; director Michael Mann.

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

Heat, Miami Vice, Public Enemies…Mr. Lombardi likes to watch an awful lot of gunplay in awfully high resolution, while telling the people who actually do the jobs that involve stopping bank robbers and drug smugglers that they aren’t as evolved as he is. He’s somehow more sophisticated, because while he enjoys guns in his entertainment, actually carrying a weapon is something only barbarians do.

Of course, Lombardi is concerned about barbarians, especially in regards to his family.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

We’re guessing that the modern man also has life insurance to provide for his grieving family in his absence.

Lombardi is engaging into the same “intruder” fantasy that people who sell guns tend to engage in. While home invasions do happen, it’s very rare for those intruders to want to enter an occupied master bedroom…but if they do so, they’re going to be ready to incapacitate the couple in short order, especially if the guy in the scenario writes for the NY Times. Given the scenario, is the modern man supposed to martyr himself for his ideals? Interesting.

Meanwhile, that guy carrying a .357 Magnum while hiking in bear country? Well, yeah, now that we think about it…he’s probably not modern enough to “listen to Wu-Tang at least once a week.”

Anyhow, regardless of your feelings on private gun ownership, there are a lot of people who can’t be disregarded as “modern men” simply because their job involves carrying(and possibly using) a firearm.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Manliness Correspondent


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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?