Someone Visited Newport’s Cliff Walk And Was NOT Impressed

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“Not much worth seeing here.”

Newport, RI’s Cliff Walk may have been named one of the Top 10 Public Spaces in America and the coolest spot in Rhode Island, but that didn’t impress one TripAdvisor reviewer, who seemed a little confused as to what was on offer. We scrounged through Jason Michalski‘s photo collection to help clarify things.

Original Photo of Newport, RI Cliffwalk by Jason Michalski

Original Photo of Newport, RI Cliffwalk by Jason Michalski



Original Photo of Newport, RI Cliffwalk by Jason Michalski

Original Photo of Newport, RI Cliffwalk by Jason Michalski

You hear that Middletown? You’re boring.

Original Photo of Newport, RI Cliffwalk by Jason Michalski

Anyhow, here’s the whole review:

“Not much worth seeing here”
2 of 5 stars
Reviewed September 2, 2015
Do this only if you want the exercise (3+ miles).
The path has limited access points, so once you commit to it, see it through or turn back whence you came. There are no bathrooms or water fountains along the way, so be prepared. The walk winds along on the water side (back) of the mansions. However, tall fences block the view of them all along, so the only view is the water. Perspective changed about 4 times in the 2+ miles we covered, and frankly, the color of the rocks or the water never changed, and the smoky vistas of the towns in the distance were not that compelling. Maintenance of the path is the responsibility of the property owners, we were told, and in many portions, there was no maintenance, leaving you to scamper over the rocks which were challenging at times (beware the non-agile or out of shape). So, visit because you are there, but peek out, take it in, and spend your time in more worthwhile attractions.

Visited August 2015

We’re a little confused as to how Newport would go about changing the colors of the water and rocks, though if we can change the color of the love locks on the Cliff Walk, we can probably figure something out. We’re not sure how to change the color of the water, at least in an environmentally friendly manner. Sure, 55 gallons of gasoline would bring out all sorts of colors, but we’re sure some people at the EPA who demand that the oceans remain the same damn boring color would have something to say about it.



We do have one idea that to make the Cliff Walk more compelling. We’ve been sitting on it for a while, but now, with the season slowly coming to an end, may be the right time to put it into action.

Cliffwalk Dragons

DRAGONS!!!

Dragons are very hot right now, with the whole Game of Thrones thing. So if we could find a dragon or two and get them to fly by the Cliff Walk, maybe this reviewer would find the experience more interesting.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Walking Correspondent


Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?