Springtime In Newport Drinking Game: 2015 Edition

It’s sunny and warm(er), the Volvo Ocean Race is happening and it’s time to get your drink on in Newport, RI.

Springtime is like getting to live through adolescence each and every year. You start wandering outside a lot more and you see all sorts of attractive people that you want to do all sorts of forbidden things with…just at the same time your body is in a terribly unattractive state.

You’re pale (bordering on translucent…especially after this year’s winter), your nose is either stuffed up or maintaining a constant drip and your eyes are bloodshot (so everyone’s wondering if you’ve picked up a coke habit). That car you wanted to show off? It’s yellow. It may have been black when you bought it, but it spent the winter being mostly white and now it’s all yellow.

So you really need to get your drink on. Fortunately, we’ve got a way to facilitate that.

Beginner Mode:

You see a “Help Wanted” sign: 1 drink

You see a Facebook post for the position you applied for a week ago: 3 drinks

Someone complains about the weather on the perfect 75 degree, sunny day: 2 drinks

You hear the word “Finals”: 2 drinks

Someone asks “When did you get back into town?”: 1 drink

You see white thighs: 1 drink

They force you to put your sunglasses on: 3 drinks

You hear “Should we sit outside?”: 1 drink

If short sleeves were a bad choice? 3 drinks to help warm you up

You can’t figure out how you can be simultaneously too hot and too cold: 2 drinks

You’ve forgotten to get tickets for the Newport Craft Beer Festival: 1 drink (but you better remedy the situation)

Your Tinder date orders a Tinder-tini: Finish your drink, order a new one…and a shot

Intermediate Mode:

You forgot your sunglasses when you went to day drink at the Landing: 2 drinks

For every Swedish girl at the Smoke House during the Volvo Ocean Race stopover: 1 drink (maybe even 1/2, use your judgment, be responsible, all that jazz)

Someone doesn’t know what “V.O.R.” means: 2 drinks

Expert Mode:

(Before attempting Expert Mode, be sure to have your home address…or the address of your regular bar attached somewhere where passers-by will be able to see it)

Every time you hear or see the word “Volvo”: Drink

For every daffodil you see: Drink

Good luck!

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Springtime Correspondent