The Best Way To Solve The “Hot Nanny” Problem

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Nannies are destroying half the marriages in Hollywood. Here’s how to fix that.

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If you’ve been ignoring celebrity gossip for the last year or so, it may come as a shock that famous, good-looking, wealthy men in Hollywood are plowing the hired-help like they’ve been injected with some kind of Kennedy hormone. In the case of Arnold Schwarzenegger, he may have actually caught that bug from clan-member Maria Shriver.

For Gavin Rossdale and Ben Affleck, however, the chances they can blame their infidelity on a Camelot-spawned chemical imbalance are much, much smaller.

Arnold's NannyHere’s the problem. Every power couple in Hollywood hires a nanny to help with the children. Typically, they’re some smoking hot twenty-something year old, though in Schwarzenegger’s case, they found the one Hispanic lady so…how to put this…”physically unappealing” that the Predator would have run away screaming.

The general rule about sexual options is that vicinity is key. You bang the people around you, mostly because you have to be pretty close to a person to get inside them. So, given that the wives in these cases were working professionals, they weren’t around…while the nanny was. In fact, the whole process of mothering the children can make young ladies even more attractive to the guys.



The other problem here is that young, twenty-something smokeshows want to bang rich, famous, good-looking guys, (regardless of the last time their band had a hit.) Hollywood studs know this. So the temptation is a constant.

The Solution

The only way we can see that will prevent rich men from penetrating the help is to hire the wives of even richer and more powerful men to help raise the kids. It’s a bit counter-intuitive, we know, but it’s really the only way for everyone to protect their marriages.

The wife of a higher-status male is going to be far less star-struck than the single swimsuit model trying to find her way in Tinseltown. There’s going to be a whole lot less “I can’t believe that you’re going to be BATMAN!!!” and a lot more “Can you please move your Toyota Prii? I know you folks still think they’re a status symbol, but I can’t fit the Maybach in your driveway.”

Yes, finding someone who’s currently starring in a “Housewives of” reality show who’s willing to change your baby’s diaper may prove to be a challenge, but so is keeping celebrity men outside of nanny naughty parts.

Alternatively, you could hire the wife’s ex-husband…in drag.

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At this point, it should prove no more complicated than the other scenarios.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Marriage Correspondent


Tristan's just this guy, ya know?