The Five Stages Of Thanksgiving Eve Drinking

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3. Things Get Serious

There’s nothing that says that your relationship is going to the next level like bringing someone home to meet the family for Thanksgiving. Now, that’s not to say that if you have whoever your newest hookup come by after dinner that there’s a ring in the near future. It’s more of a matter of if there’s some distance involved and he/she gave up Thanksgiving with their family to spend it with yours.

Sure, the old wolfpack is still going to head out together. It’s just that there’s going to be a few +1s that you’re finally going to meet after hearing a lot about them over the last few months.

Fortunately, even if you don’t have anyone serious, you’ve just bought a house, so you can bring that to the table and oddly enough, the other folks are actually interested, because they want to compare notes on the place they just bought…or they want to know all about how you did it because they’re in the market themselves.

Where to go: Norey’s, Fifth Element, Midtown

4. Reproduction

As years pass, you’ll notice that your Thanksgiving Eve festivities involve a lot less bumping into those old acquaintances you grew up with. Suddenly, you feel like you’re on some kind of endangered species list. Most of your friends aren’t looking to escape from their families before spending Thanksgiving Day with their families because they’ve started their own. (Alternatively, their folks have retired to Florida and they don’t have a real reason to come back to the Ocean State in November.)

Now, on the local side, the opposite can happen. People who live on the island but never go out because they’re busy with their kids and careers suddenly have a bunch of willing (and FREE) babysitters will head out before doing a whole lot of family stuff the next day (and the next and well, every day for the next 15-18 years).

Where to go: Home, That one place you always go on your one free night a month, Anywhere

5. The Next Generation

Finally, you get to the point when now it’s your kids who are doing Stage One, leaving you free to head to Newport’s finer dining establishments where you get to hang out with people your own age and boast about how well your kids are doing in college while whining a bit about what kind of damage their college tuition is doing to your bank account. You may or may not see anyone you went to high school with, but that’s okay.

Alternatively, you may just stay in and get things ready for Thanksgiving dinner while sipping on an expensive bottle of the good stuff.

Or if your offspring have gotten to Stage 3, you’ve got a bunch of rugrats to spoil.

Where to go: You’ve been here for decades. You know where you want to be.


So there you go. Nothing tells you where you are in life like what you do the night before Thanksgiving.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Turkey Correspondent

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?