The Five Worst Places To Propose In Newport, RI

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2. 120 Broadway, Apartment #1

newport pd

There’s a whole variety of reasons why this wouldn’t work and a big reason why it shouldn’t.

First, you’re not allowed to keep your shoelaces on in a holding cell, much less an engagement ring…unless you stuck it somew…never mind. Second, you’re not going to be held in a cell with your significant other, so you won’t be able to see each other, let alone kneel, put a ring on and the rest. That said, you can scream the question and if she’s in the next cell down, she can probably hear you.

But, once again, you’re in a holding cell, so you probably want to be doing things like reevaluating your life and not rushing into anything new. On the other hand, if the two of you little lovebirds get married, she can’t be compelled to testify against you, so depending on what you got yourself banged up for, it might actually be a good idea…probably not for society as a whole, but for you in your situation.

1. Pour Judgement Men’s Room

pjs hop scotch

As we’ve explained in a previous article, the Pour Judgement men’s room barely has enough room for two people, let alone three. This presents a problem in the day and age of people hiring proposal photographers.

The first challenge is going to be getting past the staff. If you do it during the day shift, you’re not going to get three people and a bunch of camera equipment into the bathroom without Amie or Becky asking what the hell is going on. They get nosey about that kind of thing and “Don’t worry, this won’t take long” isn’t going to cut it.

Once the dinner rush starts, there’s a good chance that there’s a wait for the men’s room and a big audience wondering why someone is taking a DSLR into the head with a couple friends. Likewise, the whole thing is likely to (and seriously should) raise pretty much all the red flags for the soon-to-be proposee. In fact, if she’s willing to go along with this, it should raise a red flag for the proposer.

Regardless, once the photographer gets into the men’s room, they’re going to have some red flags of their own, once they realize they’ve got about 10 square feet to work with, so everything is about to turn into a game of Twister.

Our recommendation would be to hire one of Newport’s smaller (physically) wedding photographers, such as Jennifer Manville. That way she can sit on top of the sink and probably not break it, while the girlfriend sits on the toilet and the guy takes a knee.

That’s the way it could work…in theory. We’re not even sure if it would be possible to open the door afterwards.

Let’s hope there’s never, ever a practical application attempted.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Wedding Correspondent

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?