There’s No Sex In The Cumby’s Bathroom

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Broadway’s Cumberland Farms the scene of indecent proposal, exposure.

When it’s late and guys get desperate, there are a few well-known options available. Craigslist, Tinder and a text to your “ol’ reliable” come to mind. Backpage.com also appears to be a spot to find sex (though if you’re an Ivy League professor, you should probably pass).

What doesn’t work? Stumbling down to Newport, RI’s Cumby’s at 2:15am, offering the girl behind the counter “one hundred dollar for ten minutes” in the bathroom and then, just to remove any ambiguity from the offer, presenting an IRL version of the dickpic.

The Newport Patch reports that Juan Carlos Hernandez, of 8 Woolsey Road, Middletown, went down that very path and it worked out badly for him:

The clerk ran to the front door and told Hernandez to leave. He then fled on foot on Broadway.

Police began searching the area for Hernandez and while they were looking, the clerk called police again. She said said a customer just came to the store and reported having a similar experience with Hernandez inside the Domino’s Pizza on West Main Road in Middletown.

Police eventually found Hernandez in the area and he was taken into custody without incident.

If we have one suggestion for Hernandez, it would be that if you can afford a “hundred dollars for ten minutes”, then go ahead and buy a yacht. Girls love yachts and the upkeep costs are pretty comparable.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Broadway Correspondent


Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?