When A Florida Man’s Shirt Says He Has Drugs, Believe It

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The hardest part of a Florida cop’s job? Realizing that people can be that stupid.

TShirtHell.com has long been one of our favorite websites and we have, from time to time, been known to purchase the odd humorous t-shirt from the company. Their brand of humor is edgy, raw and more often than not has a good chunk of truth to it.

Especially in this case. Down in Florida (aka America’s flame for stupid, criminal moths), one man apparently didn’t realize that such shirts are supposed to be worn ironically as they tend to draw attention from the public…and in this case, law enforcement. The Tampa Bay Times reports…

John Balmer is accused of possessing drugs, but you can’t call him a liar.

When he was arrested at a Kmart in Hudson on Monday, the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said, Balmer, 50, was wearing a black shirt. Across the chest it said “Who needs drugs?”

Below that it said: “No, seriously, I have drugs.”

And, the sheriff said, he had drugs.

The best part of this story is the customer who was in line behind Balmer. There you are, waiting in line at the K-Mart checkout when a cop walks in. Suddenly a man wearing a “Who Needs Drugs” shirt turns around and tries to hand you a bag full of drugs…in plain view of the police officer. As the thought, “What are you smoking?” pops into your head, you realize that you can just look down at the bag full of pot and meth to find that answer.

The amount of bizarre stupidity on display would have to lead to some serious suspicion of whether this is some poorly thought out attempt to set you up by a police department desperate to get their arrest numbers up…or this guy is just that stupid.

Balmer then walked to the cash register, put the bag on the ground and paid for his items, the report said. Another deputy approached. Store workers told him about the bag.

Deputies discovered it held marijuana and methamphetamine.

And that’s why being a cop in Florida has to be one of the easiest jobs in the world. The criminals are easy to spot, because they either spell out what crime they’re committing on their clothes or they’re naked or they think they’re trapped in an (unlocked) janitor’s closet.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Wardrobe Correspondent

Tristan’s just this guy, ya know?