The Worst Reviews Of Six Of Newport’s Best Restaurants

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As Newport restaurateurs are well aware, there are a lot of haters out there and they aren’t afraid to use Yelp.

There’s an old military saying, “Anything you do in combat can get you shot…including nothing”. A quick glance at Yelp reviews of Newport restaurants will tell you something very similar applies to getting one-star reviews.

The One Star Review

There’s this bizarre deal where the rest of the Yelp ratings have a scale that everyone is pretty much on the same page on.

5 Stars – Everything was PERFECT (alternatively, “I’m friends with the owner and/or bartender”).

4 Stars – “Most of my meal was perfect, but I’ve been around restaurants enough to recognize a few things that could be improved upon.”

3 Stars – “It was good, with a few things made/cooked incorrectly…possibly according to some arbitrary belief I have about cooking methods.”

2 Stars – “Large swathes of my plate were left uneaten as I found the entire experience unappetizing.”

Then we get to the 1 Star review. According to this scale, the 1 Star should be applied when a restaurant give you food poisoning…twice. Or perhaps some Fawlty Towers experience involving the wrong dish showing up at your table accompanied by a rat.

Fawlty Towers Rat

Instead, it’s typically used as a means to flip off the establishment in some policy disagreement regarding dress codes, what channel the TV can be put on or how much air the bouncers should give the rude and unruly when they toss them out the door.

We have observed that 1-star reviews typically reflect a lot more on the reviewers themselves than they do on some poor quality of the restaurant in question.

So we went exploring and dug up a few one star reviews of Newport’s top restaurants. See if you find them as interesting as we do.

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