An Odd Sexual Bias In Winter Fashion

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Does this fashion faux pas make sense to you?

Winter is an odd time for outfits. Unlike the summertime, clothing becomes very necessary to maintain comfort and…well…if you’re looking an extended period spent outdoors, life. We’re just going to examine what people wear and why…and an anomaly of winter fashion.

For Men

men winter outfitFor most men, this is a simple, straight-forward process. We put our shorts in storage in October and bring them back out in May. We wear long pants and bring out our big winter coats. At a minimum, we’ll be wearing a fleece or hoodie walking out the door. So if we’re not inside, the only parts of the male anatomy exposed to the elements are hands, when they aren’t in our pockets, and our heads, or at least faces.

Why? Because it’s cold out and cold isn’t very comfortable. If it’s windy, then it really starts to suck. If it’s cold, windy and snowing, then the unpleasantness really hits a surplus.

For Women

skirt in winterWhen it comes to cold weather, women take another route. Well, not another route. Hundreds, if not thousands of different routes, because, as with most female attire, function takes a back seat to facade. By comparison to their male counterparts, women derive far more of their sexuality through their body’s form, so protection from the elements competes with being as naked as possible when determining an outfit.

This creates a lot of confusion for men, because the same woman who is constantly complaining that the A/C is on too high in the summer apparently has no nerve endings in her thighs or knees, given the skirt she’s wearing in a snowstorm. Fortunately, women can derive all the warmth they need from a scarf and a pair of Uggs.

Now, as we mentioned above, the whole thing confuses men. Here we have a beautiful little creature whose feet get cold when she’s under three or four layers of bedding who can somehow walk out into sub-zero temperatures with half of the clothing that we do, and we’re still freezing.

The Violation

So on one side we have most guys who take a completely functional approach to winter attire. Then we have the women, who are on their own program and as long as they don’t complain or die, we’re going to reserve judgement.

There is one serious faux pas that can be made and it can only really be made by men. They can wear shorts.

An Odd Sexual Bias In Winter Fashion

Wearing shorts in winter just breaks everyone’s brains. It’s kind of like when a girl will prance around in front of thousands in a bikini, but gets embarrassed about being seen in a bra and panties. It doesn’t matter what the gender of the observer is, shorts in winter means that the guy must be cold. In fact, the girl in seven inches of miniskirt will be giving the guy in board shorts a funny look when temperatures drop below 60ºF.

Let’s be clear; People will be more accepting of wearing a kilt in January than they are of wearing shorts outside before April.

So we should recognize that everyone does judge guys who wear shorts in winter…and that, given what women are wearing, it makes no sense to do so.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Fashion Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?