Newport City Council Bid Becomes A Spectacular Abortion

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Just because Donald Trump gets away with being “politically incorrect” doesn’t mean a would-be Newport Councilman can.

If you’re a Newport resident who goes out of their way to avoid local politics, you might have managed to avoid the news that this past Friday, C. Andrews Lavarre had taken to Facebook to announce his candidacy for Newport City Councilman-At-Large in an impressively self-destructive manner. At issue was one paragraph, or…more specifically, the first three words of one paragraph in his candidacy announcement/rant.

LGBT sexual perversion, fornication, predation, violence, globalism, socialism, and all the other leftist elite “isms” are not the norm and are not acceptable in any civilized society. I shall not tolerate them.

Patch has the rest here.

Now, “LGBT sexual perversion” is quite the loaded term and in this context it appears to refer to any same-sex sexual contact, which in 2016 is a pretty bold stand to take for someone running for a position that’s not “Activities Chair” at a nursing home.

In regards to gay friendliness, Newport has come a long way since FDR was ordering sailors to suck off guys in the gayest sting in Navy history. It’s not Provincetown, but if guys want to walk hand-in-hand, it’s perfectly acceptable.

On the other hand, perhaps Mr. Lavarre was actually talking about the really weird stuff you hear of from the gay community. Perhaps he’s fine with vanilla gay sex, but has decided to draw the line at docking or felching or whatever.



The “fornication” angle is an odd one for Newport too. As best as I can tell, Newport harbor is filled with a billion or so dollars worth of yachts that rich guys can impress younger women for the purpose of fornicating. Even if the owner is happily married, he’s got a few friends who are coming down to use the boat for some serious fornication.

Is Mr. Lavarre going to be patrolling the docks, making sure that anyone sharing a rack has the correct variety of parts and is properly married?

Perhaps not.

Mr. Lavarre follows that paragraph up with:

+ Mind Your Own Business

+ Keep Your Hands Off My Stuff

Now, if C. Andrews Lavarre had lead with those two points…and stuck to those two points, he might have a viable campaign right now. Instead, he’s standing tall over a political abortion.

Speaking of docking, here’s a tip…

If you’re running for office in Rhode Island in 2016, the only reason you have to comment on homosexuality is if you are gay and want to get whatever bump you can out of that.

Otherwise, to publically announce you’re anti-gay will get you the same reaction as announcing that you’ve added the genocide of gingers to your platform. It demonstrates a dangerous lack of political awareness, which is not something a percentage of people required to get elected into office look for in a politician.

There’s no point in opposing the illiberal notion of political correctness if you’re going to assert the illiberal notion of “homophobia”.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Fornicating Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?