Five Prime Winter Hunting Grounds Of The Newport Cougar

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Newport is the real Cougar Town.

If there’s one demographic that really enjoys Newport all year around, it’s middle-aged women…especially single middle-aged women. If you look around downtown, it should be apparent that a good chunk of Newport is dedicated to their needs. If it were up to the men, there would be one general store to buy clothing, shoes, chainsaws, etc. Instead, we live in a spot where there are dozens of boutiques, selling all sorts of things designed to make well-heeled women more attractive.

They’ll need that stuff because after shopping, they’re going to enjoy an amazing dinner with their lady friends, enjoy some cocktails and grab themselves a firm piece of ass to sink their teeth into late night.

There was a time when single women over a certain age were designated spinsters and got to spend their lives taking care of their parents or babysitting their more romantically successful siblings’ children. Not today. Yesterday’s asexual spinsters make today’s single forty-something woman look like, to steal a term from Jesse Ventura, a “goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus“.

Fortunately, thanks to either winning the genetic lottery or today’s workout culture…or a talented surgeon, many older women can pull of a look most 20-somethings couldn’t manage a half-century ago.

So when you take a group of successful, attractive women and remove the traditional incentives for them behave themselves while they try to land a husband, then just flood the situation with alcohol, suddenly any mild-mannered guy sitting at a Newport bar can suddenly realize that he’s now being sized up as cougar prey.

This can be very traumatizing for a young man. Many are used to being the aggressor when it comes to the sexual chase so the sudden role-reversal of being objectified as the life-support system for a penis is a complete…actually, no, that’s all wrong. Today’s younger guys spend a decade or longer being referred to as “fuckboys” for crying out. Getting hit on by cougars just adds to the list of people they know want to have sex with them.

Counterbalancing the fact that a cougar might be old enough to be a guy’s mother is the countless Cosmopolitan articles she’s been able to read in those years on how to satisfy her man.

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?