Five Things To Know About Newport In January

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It’s safe to say that Newport, Rhode Island and January don’t mix very well.

January in Newport is…well, it’s January in Newport. Here’s five things to keep in mind.

1. Half The City Is Shut Down

January is Off-Season². (Not Off-Season 2, Off-Season squared.)”The Season” is a subjective period of time, depending on who you talk to and what field they work in. Being generous, it can be considered April-October with a last gasp for the holidays in December. January is as far away from July as Newport can get. There are are no big events in town. There are barely any tourists (though those who show up deserve a special thanks). Based on nothing but our gut, we’re going to suggest that the local population likely falls a well below the official 24,027 (2013).

In response, lots of restaurants, bars and stores close up shop for some or all of the month. Those that choose to operate do so with reduced enthusiasm, so they’ll close early if it’s dead, especially on Thames. On Broadway, they’re made of hardier stuff, so spots like Pour Judgement, The Tavern on Broadway and Fastnet are open every day.

2. Facebook Becomes An Episode Of “The Amazing Race”

With so many businesses closed, their owners and employees take the opportunity to travel the world for some R&R. The strange thing is that you can follow them all on Facebook, and among our Facebook friends, at least, there are some recurring themes. So and so’s in Prague. Now they’re in Italy. Wait, now someone else is in Prague. Now five different groups of people have arrived in Thailand in the last week. Look who’s in Costa Rica…and who else is in Costa Rica. We’re watching The Amazing Race: Newport Industry Edition.

Everything(except for Europe) looks beautiful and warm and there’s more pasty skin on display than on Memorial Day weekend.

3. You’re Going To Get Sick

January is the peak of flu season. A quick Google search of “Flu widespread in Rhode Island” reveals that the same headline appears pretty much every year at this time going back to 2012. It’s that fun hangover of the holidays where everyone gets to visit their families and hang out with those most efficient germ-dispensers, children before returning home and spending the next week on their couch while the virus runs its course.

We’ve also heard a theory recently that the flu breaks out in Newport because Benjamin’s shuts down every January and the Grand Marnier the place typically pumps through everyone’s veins is the only thing that was preventing the plague we are currently enduring.

If you live alone and you start to feel run down, just hit the CVS and load up on drugs immediately, because that is not the task you want to take on when breathing/standing become a challenge.

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