Five Things To Know About Newport In January

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4. It’s A Great Time To Become A Bar Regular

January sets the baseline for the year for Newport’s social life. Pretty much everyone you see in January is someone you’ll see all year round. If you’re new in town, it’s a good time to start making friends, especially with the bartenders and staff. Trust us…you’re going to want to be on a first-name basis with them once summer rolls around and everyone’s dying of thirst because the bar’s three-deep. Bartenders especially will know who took care of them in the lean months and will likely return the favor.

5. Every Snowstorm Now Feels Like A Horror Movie Trailer

Pretty much every horror movie trailer starts out the same way, with a group of teenagers or young adults going somewhere scenic for some fun, and then things go horribly wrong. For those of us who survived Snowmageddon ’15, that’s kind of how every big snowstorm has begun to feel. At first everyone is all excited because everything’s white and everyone gets to stay home from school and work.

In Jurassic Park: The Lost World, the quote finishes “Then later there’s running and um, screaming” but in our case it was really more, “Where the **** are we supposed to put more snow?!?!” or “How the hell are we supposed to walk from here to there?”

Like Dr. Malcolm, those of us who were in Newport for February 2015 know what can happen next. More snow. And more snow. Then a thaw to let some snow melt enough to cover everything with ice. Then more snow. The next thing you know, the town has to use front-end loaders to clear the mounds of snow off the sidewalks for Parade Day.

So let the kids look at the hourly forecast for when the snow is going to start. You’re smart enough to check the weekly to make sure there’s not going to be a follow-up or two.

The Good News

January isn’t quite as short as February, but it does tend to get broken up into bite-size chunks. Also, streaming and binge-watching are now things. Some people do dry January, taking the month off drinking after New Years’, which, depending on how your holidays went, can be a good choice.

Congrats to those of you who found yourself a winter cling this cuffing season. Hopefully you’re getting plenty of mileage out of them in the run-up to Valentine’s Day. For those of you who haven’t or aren’t even looking, at least you can save on razors.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Winter Correspondent

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?