Four Quick Questions About The Rules At GooseBerry Beach

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Gooseberry Beach Rules


We’re a little confused and you might be, too.

While we generally take a libertarian stance on most issues, we understand that rules exist, sometimes for good reasons. Where they do exist, we think it’s a good idea to have them spelled out, as clearly as possible. Blast reader Janice Harpin Schmidt noticed some possible ambiguities in the sign spelling out the rules at Gooseberry Beach and we have some questions.

1. Is it the grilling of pets that’s prohibited…or the grilling of pets’ motorized watercraft?

dog jetski


Now, “grilling” is an odd term to describe what one might do to motorized watercraft, but one can see why you might not want people setting fire to the things. That said, are motorized watercraft for pets enough of a problem to have a rule spelled out about them?

2. If it is the pets that aren’t allowed to be grilled, what constitutes a “pet”?

eating dog

Newport is a destination for the world and different people from different places consider different animals to be considered “pets” versus “livestock”. After all, our current Commander-In-Chief famously ate dogs while living in Indonesia, but he keeps two as pets at the White House.

3. What if your pet is a lobster?

Homer Lobster


Sure, they’re fun to have hang around with at first, but they can be a bit of a handful…and they’re delicious. If we can’t grill lobsters, can we boil them?

4. What does punctuation cost?

Wheel Of Fortune Punctuation


We have no idea what the price of commas and apostrophes because you get them for free on Wheel of Fortune.


We were just a little curious. In the meantime, don’t grill your dog’s jetski at Gooseberry.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Grammar Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?