This Best Man Speech Is The Best Thing To Hit Massachusetts Since Tom Brady

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“This sounds like an extremely awkward situation…so I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

The best man has one advantage when he gives his speech; the tension is already there. It’s not a stand-up comedy routine where you can bomb in front of a bunch of strangers and no one will ever know. No, you’re in front of your best friend and a whole bunch of people who know the both of you (not to mention the bride). That said, there are some benefits. Essentially, you’re telling an inside joke to 100+ people who have never heard it. Especially if you’re from Massachusetts (or New England in general)…and most especially if the best man is a beautiful Masshole. This is truly hilarious.

Masshole Love

Having grown up close by to Massachusetts and having spent a good chunk of our lives in it (as well as having family there) we’re accustomed to the culture of the state. Rhode Islanders (and especially Newporters) are used to Massholes rolling into our home turf and acting like they own the joint. Most off us have learned to tolerate and even appreciate such behavior, given what Boston has done for our sports fandom.

Who are theses guys?

We really have no idea. Friends of friends. The video is crap enough  (and filmed in portrait because someone apparently wants us to renounce our UMass Dartmouth college diploma and fraternity letters) that we’re pretty sure we’re not tapping on too many privacy issues. Similarly, we’re also sure that everyone involved wants the world to bask in their awesomeness.

Scratch Tickets

We have to admit that we’ve heard some great best man speeches in our time. That said, we can’t remember any that hit such a breadth of topics: Fireball, “Wild Bill”, scratch tickets, social studies, hats, Dorchester.

So, if someone’s just asked you to be their best man, understand where the bar has just been raised to. Perhaps this will balance out the Bridezilla we have inbound.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Wedding Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?