If Waitstaff Were Honest

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They might not be lying outright, but they’re probably concealing a lot.

Newport’s biggest industry goes by the simple title of “Industry”. For those of you who might be unaware, there are just a few restaurants in town, where a bunch of waiters and waitresses are employed. These people are hiding something.

The video above is surprisingly accurate, as the confessions made match what industry friends have confessed or tattled to us almost verbatim, though in the “eating the fries” incident, they were actually nachos…and the waitress in question didn’t have to confess anything, as the strings of cheese leading from the plate to her mouth were a giveaway.

The hangover side is a bit of an industry constant too. For maybe too many, their drinking schedule is determined entirely by when they get off work. We’re writing this on a Sunday morning, so there’s a very good chance that only way the people who will be serving you brunch aren’t hung over is if they worked until after last call Saturday night.

Of course, most Newport waitstaff are true professionals, so it’s not as though a hangover is going to cause them to miss a beat. Their shirts might not be quite as well-pressed as they should be and they may be praying for death for that first hour until the hydration/hair-of-the-dog kicks in, but have no fear, they’ll get your order right, at least right enough that your own hung-over asses won’t know the difference.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Industry Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?