If You’re A Basic Bitch, This Could Be…Like LITERALLY…Worse Than The Holocaust

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Bad news about your favorite bubbly.

Prosecco is the new girls’ best friend, especially for ladies not quite pretty enough to get rich guys to buy them champagne. Unfortunately, the party could be coming to an end as the Italian stocks are running low and a shortage could be on the horizon.

“Last year’s harvest was very poor, and down by up to 50% in some parts, so there is a very real possibility of a global shortage.

We’ll find out how big the problem is in August when the brokers release their stock. At the moment we don’t know how much Prosecco they’re holding on to.”

Roughly translated, this means that prosecco prices are likely to start going up, up, UP!

The reaction we’re expecting?

no way


Then we’ll have to do the whole “Yes Way!” thing.

Our advice?

Run down to Bridge Liquors and grab yourself a couple cases of your favorite prosecco.

Bridge Liquors Prosecco Newport, RI


That should take care of your worries for a few days.

Then you can get some treatment for your basic-ness.

Good luck. We’re all pulling for you.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Beverage Correspondent

P.S. It’s not all bad news. We have a story coming out of Pour Judgement that may change Newport mimosas FOREVER. Stay tuned…

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?