Is This Man The Worst Possible Boyfriend?

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Scientific studies point to “yes”…but there’s a big “but”.

In recent weeks, two scientific studies were released that claim that two characteristics make a man an extremely undesirable boyfriend, for overlapping reasons. Of course, if you’re a woman, science may have the same role as your father did when you were 16, making these the hottest damn characteristics you’ve ever seen in a man. So your results may vary, blah, blah, blah, fine print, etc.

1) Drinking energy drinks

In a survey of mostly white, heterosexual, college-aged men, researchers found that guys who drink energy drinks are the ones most likely trying to be “real men”. Huffington Post reports:

Men who hold stereotypical beliefs about masculinity, including homophobic and misogynistic views, are more likely to consume energy drinks, according to a study published this month in the journal Health Psychology. The reason: A misguided belief that slurping on that Amp Energy tall boy could up their macho appeal.

The study surveyed more than 467 adult men between the ages of 18 and 62, though the average age skewed young at 23. Researchers found that men who were more likely to agree with statements like, “A man should always be the boss;” “Homosexuals should never marry” and “A man should prefer watching action movies to reading romantic novels,” were more likely to believe in the masculine power of Rock Star (or whatever).

Then they go on to tell us how energy drinks can be harmful to your health, especially if combined with alcohol and other drugs.

So ladies, if you’re looking for a college-aged guy who’s concerned about his long-term health, won’t be assertive and prefers RomComs to action movies, avoid guys who drink Red Bull.

2) Beards

Aussie researchers surveyed men in the United States and India and compared their facial hair to their attitudes towards women. Why they had to leave Australia to do this research, we have no idea.

Now, unsurprisingly, nationality had a large bearing on a man’s attitude towards women.

Indian men in the participant group, 86% of whom had facial hair, scored higher on sexism than American men (65% of whom had facial hair). Higher levels of education were associated with more benevolent sexism but less hostile sexism.

But nationality doesn’t account fully for these attitudes.

“After controlling for nationality, age, education level, relationship status, and sexual orientation, men with facial hair scored significantly higher on hostile sexism than clean shaven men. Furthermore, hostile sexist attitudes and nationality were the only significant predictors of whether or not men chose to grow facial hair.”

How does the study define “hostile sexism”?

Hostile sexist attitudes include the idea that women are inferior to men. Men who score high on measures of hostile sexism more strongly agree with statements such as “Once a woman gets a man to commit to her, she usually tries to put him on a tight leash,” or “Women seek to gain power by getting control over men.”

Of course, a woman who doesn’t want to be put in her place by a man is often referred to as a “free spirit”, so there’s just a little subjectivity to these definitions.


In theory, the neckbeard pictured up top is the worst possible boyfriend a lady can land. Growing a beard and chugging energy drinks? That should be a dealbreaker but we’re guessing things aren’t quite so straightforward.

If you’re a young lady who’s looking for a man who has no interest in expressing his masculinity, avoid the ones with beards chugging Red Bull. We can probably add “drives a pickup truck”, “rides a motorcycle”, “watches MMA”, “is in the military”, “has a fantasy football team” and a few more “manly” activities to the list.

Oddly enough though, it seems that many women actually like their men with a little testosterone and don’t mind it when guys take the attitude that females are incapable of opening doors (on both automobiles and buildings) for themselves.

We’re just waiting for a study comparing engagement ring prices with their recipient’s attitudes towards gender roles.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Beard Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?