It’s Newport Vs Memphis In The Second Round Of America’s Best Burger

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We can’t come second to the Volunteer State!!!

Newporters deserve a pat on the back for letting West Springfield know that their White Hut’s burger is less a burger and better described using synonyms for dogs and excrement. They really never stood a chance against our mighty Mission burger when put them head-to-head.

Now, in the second round, Thrillist puts Mission‘s Cheeseburger (with American and caramelized onions) against Hog & Hominy’s John T. Edge Burger, which we know nothing of, but on principle have to assume are completely inferior (and are likely to cause a bout of food poisoning so bad that it will cause you to take your own life, leaving a hidious, bodily-fluid-covered corpse).

Paris Hilton Vote or dieSo in order to let the Confederate flag-waving inbreds of Memphis know where they stand in comparison to the blue-blood Yankees of Newport, we need your vote(s).

So vote or die. By die, we mean live a life as long as you were going to anyway, but full of the shame that you didn’t do all you could to support your neighbor when you could.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Burger Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?