Looking For A Little Holiday Romance? Try Vandalism (Video)

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Nothing says “I love you” like some juvenile property destruction on Broadway.

Christmastime is has always been one of romance (whether you like it or not). Sure, when you’re a child, it’s about presents…but soon enough it becomes about who you can make children with…and then the kids show up and you’re back to square one.

Typically, holiday romance is of a more stereotypical mold: Guy likes girl. Guy buys girl presents.

Not always though. Sometimes guys show up with a whole load of cue cards so they can tell married women how they feel about them. Other times they take a can of spray paint to the back of Caleb & Broad to let the world know how they feel about that special lady (and by world, we mean the kitchen employees of Malt, Norey’s and Caleb & Broad…plus a few delivery drivers).

Of course, artists have long used their loves as inspiration. They create art to impress those who bring out their passions. Unfortunately, this guy’s work is…hardly romance-kindling.

tag2 caleb

Take a look at that for a moment. It’s the kind of thing that would get an F in a 3rd Grade art class where the teacher said “There’s no wrong way to do this” but someone just found a way. As best as we can analyze, the guy is telling the girl he really loves her in a desperate bid for anal, what with the arrow on the back door pointing to the ol’ chocolate starfish.

Speaking of wrong ways to do things, that backwards flat-brimmed hat should narrow down the locations where these two might have been that night, given that half the nightspots in town either require hats to be worn in a “military fashion” or not at all. If you’re wondering why establishments have such policies in place, it’s because idiots who wear flat-brimmed hats backwards vandalize property (and start fights, have trouble maintaining conversations involving multisyllabic vocabulary, etc.)

At this point you’re probably wondering what the young “lady” in question is doing with such a winner. We honestly have no idea. Perhaps he was born with the ability to lick his eyebrows. Perhaps she’s not that bright and a terrible judge of character. We just hopes she accepts his bid for her butt, if only because it might prevent the passage of genes to a new generation.

If you know Michelangelo and his muse might be, feel free to pass on any such info to the Newport Police Department:


-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Art Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?