Middletown Mailman Misappropriates Moonshine (Video)

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Letter Carrier Stephen Murphy stashes a bottle into his pants at Sandy’s Liquors…on camera.

Sandy’s Liquors posted a security video today of USPS Letter Carrier Stephen Murphy slipping a bottle of…something (could be moonshine so we’re running with that) into his pants as he approaches a beverage cooler inside the Middletown liquor store.

The Daily News reports that Mailman Murphy was arraigned last Thursday on a single charge of shoplifting, but pleaded innocent and we have to admit that there could be an completely innocent explanation of why he might be sticking a bottle of hooch down his pants.

  • He could have been considering the purchase of multiple bottle from the cooler and needed to keep his hands free.
  • He might like to warm his liquor on the way to the counter.
  • A long day of delivering mail might have left his testicles running hot and a bottle of liquor seemed like a great way to chill them.
  • There could have been a young lady (or gentleman) in the store that he wanted to impress with the size of his “package”.
  • He could have been testing the bottle to see how well it could get past the security at Foxboro.
  • He could have assumed that we’re living in IBM’s future.

And that’s just what we can come up with off the top of our head. There are easily dozens of innocent explanations of why a grown man at a liquor store might slip a bottle down his pants in a slick, stealthy manor that might lead someone to think that he’s done it dozens of times before. When you’re a “longtime” letter carrier, you’re not making “no money” so it’s not like you can’t afford a bottle of liquor, but it would be terrible to just assume that Murphy just enjoys stealing property from local small businesses.

Of course, he could also be going through your birthday cards and taking all the cash.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Postal Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?