New Newport Heights TV Commercial Gives Interesting Take On Reality

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Low-income housing never looked so white.

The folks at came up with a commercial for the housing development which most Newport residents might find stretches the truth in new and, to use a term from the video, “unique” ways.

Are you a white, two-parent, middle-class family who enjoys surfing and fine-dining?

Perhaps a beautiful white couple who likes cooking at home in spacious kitchens?

Then you’re the apparent target of an advertising campaign for Newport Heights. Which is a bit odd, because the housing development isn’t really known for its yuppies.

Some of the amenities being offered:

“Our unique, residential-style community offers affordable, comfortable living”

What kind of style would a place people live be if not “residential”? Institutional?

“Unsurpassed views”

Actually, this is true, with a couple caveats. There are some amazing views of the Newport Bridge and Newport Naval Station…if you get the right spot. Otherwise, you might have a great view of a parking lot.

“…ride bikes down our tree-lined streets…”

It’s perfectly safe. There hasn’t been a drive-by in a good six months.

“Surf the Internet at our on-site computer lab”

In case you lost your phone and your laptop got stolen, you can live like it’s 2002 again.

“Our premier location in Newport is close to the beaches, casinos and naval base…”

While we admit “close” is a subjective term, when it comes to beaches, Newport Heights is only “close” to Newport beaches in that it’s in the same city. If you wanted to live in Newport, but as far as possible from any beaches, Newport Heights would be where you’d want to be. It is close to Newport’s one casino, which is set to pack up and leave for Tiverton in the next year or two.

“…and all the shopping, dining and entertainment our quaint downtown area has to offer.”

You and and all your white hipster friends can take the quick 48 minute walk to go downtown to…fight over artisanal pizzas with your one Asian friend? Just kidding that’s what Uber Lyft is for.

“We invite you to come and discover the lifestyle Newport Heights has to offer.”

With lots of hip white people…doing hip white people things. There will be guys in skinny jeans riding unicycles while playing ukuleles.

We’ve never seen a cry for gentrification quite like this one. There’s a 12:1 white-minority ratio in this ad which could be bordering on illegal.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Housing Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?