Newport, We Know Where Your Cocaine Is

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Looking for some blow this Labor Day Weekend?

As we head into the last holiday weekend of the summer, we’re guessing people are going to want to party. Like “party” *wink* *wink*. Drink all day and drink all night…all with a little something extra to supercharge the experience. After all, the rows of yachts aren’t the only thing in white that everyone’s looking to party on.

Unfortunately for all the hedonists and one William Gonzalez, there’s going to be a lot less cocaine on Newport’s streets this weekend. Newport Police seized almost a kilo of cocaine on Wednesday, including 100 grams in the Newport Grand parking lot. Patch reports:

Police said they developed credible information earlier in the day that Gonzales would be arriving in an SUV at the casino in the afternoon to make a drug delivery. Police knew that Gonzalez would be in a vehicle with a handicapped placard hanging from the rear view mirror.

Now, we’ll be the first to point out that this is a bit of a problematic description for the police. If they get the right guy, they’re good. If they run out on the wrong car, guns drawn, they’ve got a PR nightmare on their hands. Fortunately, they had the right vehicle.

Police approached the vehicle and Gonzalez immediately admitted that he had a “large amount of cocaine” under the passenger seat of the vehicle, according to the police report. The drugs were kept inside a zip-up Bank of America bank bag that police opened and inside, found 102.3 grams of cocaine. Officers also reported finding more than $400 cash in the center console.

Which probably means that coke dealers aren’t using Square yet. Anyhow, police then got a warrant for Gonzalez’s apartment in Providence, where they found another 800 grams of cocaine, meaning that this was getting close to a kilo. (At this point, we’d like to take the opportunity to thank drugs for teaching Americans the metric system).

As for William Gonzalez, we’re guessing that he never watched the end of the movie Blow, because then he’d know that the big score is the one that does you in, especially when you’re already on probation for multiple drug felonies. He was convicted in 2007 and sentenced to 25 years , seven to serve, eight suspended. So we’re guessing that the only time Gonzalez is going to see the outside of the ACI in the next few years is when he’s in a courtroom.

For all you cokeheads out there, there’s a word you’re likely to hear a lot this weekend…

1. free from moisture or liquid; not wet or moist.
“the jacket kept me warm and dry”
synonyms: parched, dried, withered, shriveled, wilted, wizened; More
2. bare or lacking adornment.
“the dry facts”
1. become dry.
“waiting for the paint to dry”
2. theatrical slang
forget one’s lines.
“a colleague of mine once dried in the middle of a scene”
1. US
a person in favor of the prohibition of alcohol.

If you’re wondering where all the cocaine in town in, it’s been impounded by the Newport Police Department.

Oh, hey Salve! Welcome back!

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Coca-Cola Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?