Why Newport Parade-Goers Will Be Even More Confused About The Time Sunday Morning

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It’s not all because you folks are going to drown your internal clocks with alcohol.

The day of the Newport’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade is notable not only for the volume of alcohol consumed…but for the schedule of that consumption. People drink a lot all summer long, but they’re typically not waking up at 7am to start what’s essentially a tractor pull for their liver.

So after seven or twelve or sixteen hours drinking, most people run out of steam, stumble back to their (or a) bed and fall asleep for a long time. Now, this is typically happening far earlier than most of the types of folks who engage in such behavior typically fall asleep. So if you typically fall asleep around 1am, crashing out at 9pm is going to shift things around quite a bit. We understand that there are people who do normally wake up before sunrise, but most of us don’t really endeavor to join them.

The Extra Factor

So Parade Day typically makes a mess of people’s sleep schedules regardless. This year, we’ve got an additional variable thrown into the mix that will throw off your internal clock even more. That factor being Daylight Savings.

At 2am Sunday morning, we “Spring Forward” to 3am. Now, because it’s 2017, our phones and computers and other important time-keeping devices will do this themselves. Unfortunately, the clocks in your microwave, stove and brain will likely have to be adjusted manually.

So think of this weekend as a jet lag simulator.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Chronology Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?