NY Times Declares That Police And Military Can’t Be “Modern Men”

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“27 Ways to Be a Modern Man” is, well, not.

Manliness, much like femininity, is a constant topic of discussion within our culture, especially at a time when gender roles are in such a state of flux. Many traditionally male occupations no longer deliver the status of “breadwinner”, while many traditionally female occupations now do.

With these shifting gender dynamics, women have been vocal about the changes they’re not that happy about. Men, for the most part, haven’t, because “not complaining” is still part of manly dogma. That’s not to say that men don’t complain about anything, just that men don’t want to pay attention to men they don’t know complaining about their lot in life…unless they’re stand-up comics. If guys what to commiserate about the challenges of being a man, they’ll watch Bill Burr on Netflix or go to the Rogue Island Comedy Festival rather than some male grievance factory on the Jezebel model.

Into this somewhat confusing situation, the New York Times has tossed a malformed grenade titled “27 Ways to Be a Modern Man“. The start of this list is certainly an attention-getter…but probably not in a good way:

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

Why would a man have to ask his sister-in-law for his wife’s shoe size? If he’s so inclined to buy her shoes, which as a single male is a concept utterly alien in its own right, isn’t there a closet filled to the brim with shoes to sample sizes from? We don’t know many men who know which brands run large or small for men’s shoes.

In our experience, buying someone else shoes is probably the best example of Ayn Rand’s critique of altruism. It’s well-intentioned, it’s usually expensive, and it results in a pair of shoes someone can’t (or won’t) wear sitting in perfect condition for a few years after the return policy expired before being donated to Goodwill.

The next item on the list is has been standard “manliness” fare for as long as there’s been leadership…

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

Okay, glad to see this tradition is still going strong. We’re guessing one can find something along this lines from such modern authors as Sun Tzu and Machiavelli.

Unfortunately, after that timeless advice, it’s right back to the odd.

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

How often does the modern man go to the movie theater? He’s dropped $5-10k on a home theater system and is coughing up $200 a month for cable, internet, Netflix, etc. Now, if he ventures into a movie theater, he’s expected to time his bites? Who exactly does this appease?

Anyhow, let’s skip ahead to two related entries found quite far apart…

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

So Daddy has to be Johnny-on-the-spot in regards to everyone else’s electronics…but pretty much disregard that of his own? Is this so that he can use his kid’s phone to call 911 in the event of an accident? Or use his wife’s iPhone to capture that perfect pic of the family at sunset?

Alternatively, if having a dead phone isn’t such a big deal for Dad, why does one of these tenants of manhood rank place the responsibility on him to ensure that everyone else gets a full charge? If your kid is responsible enough to have an iPad, surely they should be in charge of making sure it’s juiced up.

And so the rest of the list goes. It’s mostly a lot of beta-male tripe about all the things a man should do for his wife and family. It’s probably not the stupidest thing the New York Times has published (though it’s light years from their best). Right until he decides to take a dump on anyone whose job is to protect us.

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