Rhode Island Man Gives “Florida Man” A Run For His Money

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Give it to a Rhode Islander to go right into the belly of the beast.

Florida Man is the stuff of legend. The rest of the country knows that there’s nothing crazy that you can do that some guy in Florida hasn’t already tried at least once, most likely naked and accompanied by an alligator. Which is why we have to give¬†Edward Quinton of “Greenwich, RI” credit. This guy went right into the belly of the beast and showed them what a Rhode Island man can do.

Florida Keys authorities say a drunken man from Rhode Island stole a forklift and crashed into a gate, telling deputies he lost his car keys and needed something to drive.

The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office says in a news release that 44-year-old Edward Quinton of Greenwich, Rhode Island told deputies he was in the Keys helping friends move.

Quinton was quoted as saying that after he lost his keys Thursday night, he needed a vehicle and took the forklift from a Marathon marina because he knew how to drive one. Quinton also told deputies he thought he could fix the damaged gate.

Breath tests showed Quinton’s blood-alcohol level was twice Florida’s legal limit. He faces drunk-driving, criminal mischief, burglary and grand theft charges.

Now, we can’t work out where on a Florida Man scale, this misadventure would rate. I mean, maybe a 6…6.5. For a Rhode Islander, it’s 9 or 9.5 territory. If you pull this stunt at the Newport Shipyard, the NDN would get three days of stories out of it.

But it’s happening in¬†Florida, so the story was likely buried the next day by meth-head cannibalism or a brawl involving 4+ strippers, half a kilo of cocaine and three midgets…sorry…little people.

Regardless, we have to give credit where credit’s due. When it came to craziness, Edward Quinton punched above his weight and let everyone know we’re the “Biggest Little State in the Union.”

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Florida Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?