Science Has Discovered The Best Way To Fight Cancer Yet

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…and more proof that life itself is just very sexist.

The prostate is pretty much a 100% male thing…which makes prostate cancer pretty much a 100% male problem.

This was all rather unpleasant for the males of the species. It used to be said that above age XX, 100% of men had prostate cancer, but, and here was the good news, it was so slow, something else was likely to kill you first.

That was, until a recent study by Harvard Medical School was released

In the largest ever study exploring the potential link between ejaculation and prostate cancer, researchers found that men aged between 40 and 49 who ejaculate at least 21 times a month were at less risk than those who did so four to seven times.

If you follow our writings at all, you know how we love analogies…but we can’t come up with one for this. Blowing a load prevents cancer.

This is the new face of cancer prevention:

Sherlock O face

It’s a license for…well, everything.

  • “Honey, you know how you keep buying pomegranate juice for the antioxidants? Well, I have another method of cancer prevention we can work on…”
  • Bill Clinton could have explained the whole Monica thing to Hillary as “Well, Hillary, I was having a cancer scare and…”
  • Young, adolescent boys can answer “What are you doing in the bathroom? You’ve been in there for 20 minutes…” with “Leave me alone…I’M FIGHTING CANCER!!!”
  • “I looked at your computer’s search history! How do you explain…”
    “Fighting cancer.”

Meanwhile, if you’re a woman who’s a dirty, dirty whore…you’ll get HPV and cervical cancer. Probably for the same reason that you get cramps…because the universe (or God or whatever) hates you and wants you to be miserable.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Medical Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?