Scientists Identify Four Classes Of Drunks

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The Nutty Professor

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20% of drinkers fit into the category “The Nutty Professor”. These are introverts who become extraverts when drunk. This is the transformation that everyone who has a quiet friend wants to see happen when they take them out. Goodbye shy and reserved, hello loud and bubbly!

These are the folks you want to be shooting video of whenever they get a few drinks in them, because once those inhibitions are kicked to the curb, you never know what’s going to come out of their mouths…but you do know that it’s going to be, at a minimum, interesting…and equal chances shocking or hilarious. Think Joe Biden at an Indian wedding.

Alternatively, they might just never shut up and drive you nuts with their inane chattering. (Also see: Joe Biden at an Indian wedding)



Mr. or Mrs. Hyde

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The 23% who ruin drinking for the rest of us are referred to in the study as Mr. Hyde (though plenty of them are female). There you are, having a drink with your friend. You’re having interesting conversation, making friends, having a good time. You get a couple more rounds.

All of a sudden, your friend is starting an argument with your new friends, talking trash with the bouncers, and starting a fight with the one person in the place that you were really interested in having sex with.

That’s Mr. Hyde.

If you’re smart, you’ll hang out with them…but only for the first three drinks and then you’ll have “somewhere else to go”. The next morning, you can hear all about the fight they got into outside Via Via and how they got arrested 30 seconds into it because there’s always 5 cops hanging out across the street after 1 am.

Whether they’ve got a deep anger simmering inside them and alcohol releases it…or it’s just the alcohol that makes them angry, these are ultimately people who come to the conclusion that they have to give up drinking…or they’ll end up in prison.

Which are you?

Now, we’re guessing some of you are thinking “Well, sometimes I’m one, but other times, I’m another”, realize that the study is more judging people’s overall responses to alcohol. Hemingways can get into fights and Mrs. Hyde might fall in love in the middle of a hissy-fit, but over the course of 20 or so nights out, one can pick out trends.

Here’s a quick tip: If you’ve ever been kicked out of a bar…and it wasn’t because you were part of a big group where someone else got everyone kicked out, chances are you’re looking at Mr. Hyde.

Now, we’re going out tonight to people watch and designate complete strangers into one of these four categories. You might want to try it yourself.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Booze Correspondent


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