Study Has More Bad News For The Broke And Sexually Frustrated

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Meanwhile, things keep looking up for those with frisky grins.

If you’re a man without much money, chances are that it will affect your chances with the ladies. A wine bottle with a cork may be more more aesthetically pleasing than a screw-top, but that debate about presentation is meaningless when you’re drinking out of a box. Unless you can time it exactly right, Taco Bell never goes over as well as a nice meal at Bouchard.

Likewise, most women spend a lot of money to look as good as they do. The spring selection at Michael Hayes doesn’t come free. What the average Newport woman spends at her hairdresser each month can feed a family of 4 in Burrillville for half a year.

For those who are financially destitute and involuntarily celibate, there’s usually enough daily reminders that life isn’t a rose garden…but a newly published study in the International Journal of Manpower does a great job of kicking them while they’re down.

A new study from Anglia Ruskin University in the U.K. found that those who get it on two or three times a week earn 4.5% more than their less frisky colleagues. The researchers also found that that men who aren’t having sex earn 1.3% less that those who are.

son of a bitch 2

How does one break this vicious cycle and get rich getting it on?

  • Well, if you’re a guy, push-ups are free, as are crunches. Library cards are free, so you can get your learn on and make yourself a more interesting, especially by studying those topics that appeal to women, like feng shui. Alternatively, just borrow Neil Strauss’s “The Game”. Perhaps you should join the military…women love a mon in uniform. Or take a few pointers from this homeless guy in NYC…
  • If you’re a woman, just drop your standards a tad. Then, if necessary, a tad more.

So, once again, science proves that when life sucks, it really, really sucks. On the flipside, if you’re life is awesome, it’s probably going to keep on being awesome.

…unless you stop having sex.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Celibacy Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?