Tallulah Is Closed But Jake Rojas Really Showed That One Yelper

By  |  0 Comments

Tallulah on Thames has come to an end, but it far exceeded one prediction.

Tallulah on Thames was kind of a big deal. It was the kind of high-end farm-to-table restaurant that everyone wants to make a movie about.

Hell, Volvo featured Chef Jake Rojas and Tallulah on Thames in a promotional video a few years back (it has since been taken down).

Unfortunately, Chef Rojas took to Instagram Thursday morning to announce that Tallulah on Thames is fin. That’s right, what was arguably Newport’s most indulgent culinary experience is no more.

As recent high-profile closings go, this is probably the most surprising, in part because Tallulah’s somewhat eclectic hours made it a tough spot to track crowds. In fact, there’s not much evidence to suggest that this closure is due to financial concerns at all.

The Yelper

According to Yelp, Tallulah on Thames has a rating of 4 1/2 stars with 165 reviews. It’s a sea of red 5 star reviews with the occasional grouch mixed in. As we’ve written about elsewhere, one star Yelp reviews often tell a story, though it’s usually less about the business being reviewed and more about the reviewer themselves.

There’s this one from Tallulah’s first season in 2010:


Now, back in 2010, people really cared about Yelp…or at least Yelpers were under the impression that people really cared about Yelp. Ryan P of Middlesex, MA gave us a prediction; “It will be out of business after this summer…or possibly before this summer is over.” Tallulah had opened 2 1/2 months before and end of the summer was two months away. The restaurant remained open for another SIX YEARS and two months.

It makes us want to hunt down whoever this Ryan P is and ask him if he has any hot stock tips for us to ignore.

In the meantime, try to avoid making predictions on Yelp, lest you end up looking like Jim Cramer telling people that Countrywide was a buy in ’07. There’s no upside. You don’t win “the pool” by calling out when a place is going under. You’ll just be wrong and find yourself mocked years later for underestimating a restaurant’s longevity by 3600%.

For all we know, Chef Rojas may have been ready to close up shop in 2010, but saw that Yelp review and decided…”Nah, we’ll go another six years, just to make that guy look like an ass.” Or it all happened organically and “Ryan P” is just an ass.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Restaurant Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?