The Best New Way To Torture Your Passed-Out Friends

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Sharpies are so 2014…

As long as people have been drinking alcohol, they’ve been passing out in funny places, where their friends would find them and be utterly unable to resist the temptation to mess with their unconscious pals.

In recent history, the preferred tool to torment the fallen was the Sharpie marker. It’s a very versatile weapon, allowing you to write words (eg. “Penis”), draw an object (eg. “Penis”),  and color something in (er…you get the idea).

If one were feeling particularly cruel, they could skip the Sharpie, which comes off pretty easily in the shower, and go for the real permanent markers. Those require some scrubbing and, if you get someone behind the ears, they’ll have no idea it’s still there a week later.

An escalation on magic markers is food coloring, which always sticks around for a few days. We had one friend who ended up with his face covered in green food coloring. When he got back from the canoeing trip, people were still making “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” comments.


Of course, the kid who brought the food coloring had only done so to get the first guy back for his antic the year before…when someone lost an eyebrow.

shaving off eyebrows

Now, all of these little pranks have effects that are temporary. Sure, you might not want to leave your house for a few days, but given some soap and water…and a little time, everything will be back to normal.

It’s all fun and games until you have to go to the fire station.

Over in England, a few “lads” took their prank to a whole new level. When their buddy passed out, they put a bike lock around his neck…and threw away the key.

bike lock

When the unnamed man woke up he learned that his night out was just the beginning of the fun.

The BBC reports:

The unnamed man, in his 20s, was taken to Coventry Fire Station by his mother because he could not remove the hardened-steel shackle lock.

Firefighters could not cut the lock and called in West Midlands Fire and Rescue Service’s Technical Rescue Unit

The station commander said the man was unhurt, “but his mother was raging”.

Pete Drummond said: “We tried a cutter, but it just marked the lock. Then we tried a reinforced bar cutter, but it just dented it”

…The rescue unit covered the man with a fireproof blanket and cut through the steel with a circular saw.

bike lock 2

Imagine, if you will, being extremely hungover. Then imagine someone using a circular saw on hardened steel inches from your neck.

We’re looking forward to whatever practical joke this kid does to get his boys back.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Drunkenness Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?