The Newport, RI Version Of “Meet Your Second Wife”

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The SNL skit ignores how it’s done in the harbor.

If you’ve been ignoring social media for the last few days, you can be forgiven for missing the hubbub over one Saturday Night Live skit. Esteemed SNL alums Amy Poehler and Tina Fey returned to promote their movie “Sisters” and to bash what must be an issue that’s really getting at them, successful men getting married a second time around…to a woman who’s far younger than they are. If you missed it, here it is…

Now, here in Newport, it doesn’t really work quite that way, mostly because there’s a lot of guys who never bother with what would be recognized as a typical “first” marriage, so if they actually bother getting married it’s when they decide to settle down…at age 50. Call it the George Clooney model, which is a variation on the Peter Pan standard, where instead of never growing up, a successful guy decides that after three or four decades, he’s done playing the field…or he actually wants to have and raise some legitimate children.

Alternatively, he might just want to hang out on his yacht because…

So guys, feel free to put off marriage as long as possible, provided that you’re getting closer and closer to affording the boat of your (aka “her”) dreams.

As for the ladies, we have little advice to give except to say that if you want to marry rich, sacrifices will have to be made.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Boating Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?