The One Thing That Really Sucks About Men’s Formal Attire

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It’s Newport’s wedding season, so if you’re a guy, this will probably happen to your suit or tuxedo.

If you’re a man whose social life goes beyond asking for change at the Broadway 7-11, chances are, you have at least one formal outfit. You’ve got a sports coat, hopefully a suit and maybe even a tuxedo or two.

It’s one of the benefits of being a man. Women have to buy a couple dozen outfits that are appropriate for formal occasions, then work out when they’ve worn them in the past, who was there and who might be going to the next event so they can maintain the appearance of having access to an infinite amount of clothes. Most guys can get away with wearing one suit that might as well be designated “formal event uniform”. Then there are the flamboyantly gay men, who are kind of stuck in the middle of those two models, but seem to be having a lot of fun with it.

Now, aside from the (hopefully) occasional funeral, the main reason a man is wearing a formal outfit is to go to a wedding or the occasional black-tie event…and that’s where the problem arises.


For whatever reason, a guy can go out drinking every night of the summer in a t-shirt and shorts and never have a drop of anything spilled on him. The moment he puts on his one dry-clean only outfit that he’s going to have to wear three times this year, it’s a magnet for booze…and how he got that mini-spring roll to go up his sleeve, we’ll never know. You show us any given wedding reception, no matter how small, we’ll point out one guy who became unable to imbibe alcohol without swimming in the stuff…or was in the wrong place at the wrong time…and ended up swimming in the stuff.

It’s not the end of the world. If it were, gentlemen would only hit the wedding dance floor decked out like fisherman.

All ready for the electric slide.

All ready for the electric slide.

It is, however, reason to select darker colors if you’re buying a suit…or to purchase(and bring) maybe…three of them, if you’re going to be doing the destination thing with a rehearsal dinner and wedding. It’s also reason to get your stuff dry-cleaned as soon as you get home, because there’s nothing worse than being reminded that you were drenched by a trayful of merlot at your last wedding…an hour before Uncle Bill’s wake.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Fashion Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?