The Single Guy’s Survival Guide: Your Restaurant’s Christmas Party

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So you guys bail and walk through a bunch of backstreets to an apartment where you learn that maybe something got lost in translation, because you’re now at a house party with a whole bunch of people who are a decade younger than you are. To make things a little more awkward, “Amelia” passes out on the couch five minutes after the two of you arrive. You think to yourself “BAIL!” but as you grab your coat and head for the door, your hosts ask you where you’re going without your girl…and that’s when you realize that she didn’t actually know anyone there.

As you try to wake up this girl you’ve just met, she starts hitting you and screaming “No. No. NO!”

“We have to get out of here.”

“No! I’m staying!”

“But you don’t know anyone.”

“I don’t care.”

You look at the rest of the party folks and discover that they’re all staring at you.

You look at the guy who’s apparently in charge and ask “Is there any way…”

“That you can leave a crazy bitch on our couch? No ****ing way.”

After about 20 minutes of negotiations with a semi-conscious 22-year old, you finally get her to agree to let you help her out of the house and get her somewhere safe she can sleep. You get her outside and give Betty a call.

“What the hell do you want?” she asks.

“I need a place for this girl to crash and yours is closest.”

“Which girl?”


“What are you doing with a 17-year old, pervert?”

“She’s 22.”

“No, she’s 17. She goes to high school with my cousin.”

“She said she was 22.”

“Of course she did.”

“Can I leave her on your couch?”

“If it will get her out of your pedophile hands.”


If you’ve ever wondered why some many people head to Florida in the cold months, there are a few explanations. It could be the warmer weather. It could be the money. It might also be company Christmas parties.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Industry Correspondent

P.S. Fireball Christmas Video

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Tristan's just this guy, ya know?