What Your First Drink On Parade Day Says About You

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St. Patrick has given us one day where you can start drinking first thing in the AM, but how you do it says a lot about you.

Having a drink first thing in the morning on most days is generally considered at the minimum, a little strange…and more likely part of a larger behavioural problem. It’s one thing if you start after sleeping in and head out for Sunday brunch, but just pounding at beer at breakfast will get you some looks. That’s why “brunch” and “breakfast” are two different words. One is a license for hitting the bloody mary bar and the other is for cereal.

Parade Day is another story. Remember when you were a kid on Christmas morning and you’d wake up when it was still dark, itching to open up your presents? Well, the Saturday prior to or on March 17th, is that day for us adults. No matter how late you were up the night before, you’re going to wake up bright and early. Don’t even bother trying to go back to sleep, because your body won’t let you. It knows what you’re going to do to it and it’s already in fight or flight mode, so you’re probably going to be doing some hair-of-the-dog action before, during or immediately after your shower…and then it’s off to the races.

Now, you may have twenty…thirty…hell, fifty (actually, despite what you may tell your friends, probably not fifty) drinks over the course of the day, but it’s that first one that probably indicates the most about you.

1. Coffee

1268091873-dunkin-donutsJust a regular coffee? Yeah, we’re guessing you’ve got kids in the parade…probably of legal drinking age. You’re also going to be home by 2pm.

2. Spiked Starbucks

If you’re going to Starbucks and getting your usual latte, but you’ve brought some nips of vodka along to spice it up, we’re guessing you’re a professional woman, 30-45, who most likely drives an Audi and is wearing yoga pants.

3. Jello Shots

jello-shots-fridgeNow, demographics-wise, this could be anyone 20-40, but we’ll go as far as to venture that this isn’t your first rodeo…or if it is, you crashed at the house of some seasoned professionals. For those of you who don’t know, you can’t just “make” jello shots. There’s some planning and time involved. And most likely a couple plastic handles of cheap vodka.

4. Burnetts Vodka

Burnetts Whipped CreamHey Salve, how’s the semester treating you? Did you come back early from spring break for this? Oh, you’re from URI? Cool. Alright, I’m going to bail to drink with people who have money.

5. Bud Light

bud lightBRO! Bro? Bro. Bro, bro, bro! Brew-O. Broski. Brah. Brozilla. Brominator. Bromeslice! Bromo? Bromocudda. Brobocop? Bromasauraus Rex. Brothren! Brotato. Brosama? Brohamed. Brochacho!

Have you seen my beer funnel?




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