Where To Get Blasted In A Newport Blizzard

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When the going gets tough, these are the bars that keep going.

There are plenty of Newporters who live with their lovely families and want to spend extreme weather events playing board games with their kids. This is not a post for them.

This is more for the folks who live alone or can’t spend more than two hours with their roommates before the BAC required to keep them tolerable exceeds that which would kill Hemingway. If the power goes and no one’s heat is working, it’s also an extreme singles scene where everyone’s being sized up for their ability to share body heat above the typical criteria of “looks” or “personal income”. That said, try to avoid the “Coyote Ugly” types, because you may find yourself trapped with them without any of the alcohol that made it seem like a good idea.

How Newport bars handle extreme weather events is similar to how a table of poker players react when someone goes all in. Most fold, but a few with good hands stay in to ride it out…and walk away from the table with a lot of money and a great story.

As with most things, blizzard drinking needs to be based on a good foundation. We recommend stocking up at Bridge Liquors beforehand to ensure you have a decent supply on hand at home for the pre-gaming and after-party. Also, make sure to hit up the ATM before things get really bad. If the telephone lines/Internet goes down, cash is king.

If you need out of the house, these are the spots pretty much guaranteed to be open, regardless if the power’s out:

1) Parlor

Have generator, will serve alcohol.

2) Pour Judgement

Josh Whelan approaches snowstorms like he does everything else: Nonplussed. If you want a drink, he’ll take a stroll down to the bar and open up for you. Meanwhile Marissa will keep pushing a drink called the “One More”. We like it. It’s consistent.

3) Brick Alley Pub

It’s always funny when the rest of Newport is blacked out (electrically…and maybe alcoholically) and you walk into the Brick and they’re apologizing that the menu is limited because they’re running on their generator.

4) Sardella’s

A fully-armed and operational drinking station.

5) Benjamin’s

The earliest blizzard party in town, because where does it say that snow stops brunch?

6) Clarke Cooke House

We’ve never seen a restaurant so dismissive of the weather.
If you asked them, “Are you going to be open?”
They’d answer with, “It’s a Tuesday. When have we not opened on Tuesdays?”

7) Midtown Oyster Bar

Because why would you build a restaurant that big without including a generator?

8) Caleb & Broad

Rich’s commute is measured in yards, so if he can’t make it to the bar to open it, you can’t get to the bar to drink at it.

Now, if the power stays on, expect pretty much every spot on the island that is otherwise open to be open, because most bartenders hate cabin fever as much as the next guy and would prefer to get out of the house. Also, generators aren’t bullet-proof, so while restaurants that have them are in a much better spot to do business than the rest, problems can still arise.

-Tristan Pinnock, Blast Emergency Correspondent

Tristan's just this guy, ya know?